State of Surrender (NYFW FW18 2018)
“By letting go it all gets done” Lao Tzu
Life leads us to surrender sometimes. I think not many people understand the term, “surrender.” Surrender to some might mean “to give up”, but it also means “let go and allow.” As I have walked my path, I have started to feel disappointment and unsurety of where I’m supposed to go next. What was in the past has been true, but since my 24th birthday back in September I have been feeling unsure of where to go next and what I’m meant to be doing. The thing with PURPOSE, is that it’s always being redefined.
The more time that has gone by, the more unsure I got and the more painful it became to stay the same and encounter the same disappointments. Like a butterfly trying to leave it’s cocoon but stuck in the same old shell.
The part of being human is that we have worries. Eventually we have worries. I’ve been worrying about my future, how my mother plans to move away, how my finances will be, how I want to live my life and who I want to spend it with, how I want to be purposeful, wanting to reach the level of success I envision for myself, and how i’m on borrowed time to achieve what I set out to do but yet still limited by my finances. And yet perhaps its my psyche, but I always have felt like needing to “catch up” in life. I was held back in Kindergarten due to my learning disabilities. Perhaps that’s where this mindset began. I didn’t want to waste time, or be left behind compared to my peers, or left behind on my own vision. But yet the “older I’ve become” and the more I continue to “fight” my way to my dreams.. I still encountered disappointment. Disappointment with magazines breaking ties, disappointment that my photos that I spend so much time and money to travel are not credited properly, disappointment where models cancel on me, or other creatives don’t see my vision. If they see my vision, many of them are “across the pond” shall I say. They are in a different world; different ecosystem.
Originally this was going to be time to rest and rejuvenate before I attended NYFW and Grant Cardone’s 10XGrowthCon (which I had to cancel), but instead I was led to surrender all of my worries and dreams. To take time for me and explore my own spirituality. Call it a reattunement if you will.
Before I “officially” decided to go down my Photography path, I was out in California connecting deeply to my spirituality in solitude. Spirituality is important to me and at the time I wanted it to be a part of my life. But as I came back to NY, somewhat disappointed, somewhat thrilled to be home with family again, I decided to follow Photography and fashion. It was a vision I had years prior in my teens but people aren’t conditioned to follow their dreams in this society and instead are bombarded with other “loftier goals” like which job will provide a decent amount of security.
Anyway, I think spirituality and fashion are somewhat antithesis’ of each other. Fashion is often tied to Consumerism and Ego, yet spirituality is often associated with letting go of the Ego and consume less. During those almost 3 years I focused more on fashion and disregarded my spirituality; it’s just something that’s not typically seen together. During my 2 months of surrender, I became more attached to my spirituality, wanting it to be more than something on the sidelines. Perhaps my purpose now is to combine all these fragmented parts into one. To really redefine who I am and what I want to let go of.
Oddly enough I feel my spirituality has been rejuvenated during my state of surrender. I may not still be able to answer all of my worries right now, but I definitely know that it is time for me to combine my spirituality and wear it on my sleeve. It is who I am and what I’ve come here to do. It might disrupt an industry and the world (perhaps that might be too big), but in reality, I think that’s how all the greats made their name and made it to be memorable; they all chose to be different; to be who they are.
I am going to trust, let go, and surrender to what is good for me. What is good for me will come into my life and bring me to new heights. It really is my time to live abundantly. I want to continue to speak my truth and “be real” with you guys and gals. It’s okay to feel sad and disappointed. I want to show you the side many people are afraid to talk about but shine a positive light on it.
Special Thank You to @UniqueSonia.M for the photos. Edited by Myself.